TOEFL Ders Notları_7

ESSAY 7

SORU:

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

Bir ev almaya ya da iş kurmaya yetecek kadar paranız var. Hangisine yatırım yapmayı tercih ederdiniz? Spesifik sebepler ve detaylar kullanarak cevabınızı açıklayınız.

Money is a basic need but extra Money is a kind of controversial topic. With economic development a lot of people save up their Money more and more. But many people do not know how to spend their Money. In first place they think of purchase a house or establish a new business. Buy a home is reasonable for cover the shelter problem. A new business gains more Money. Both are reasonable but i think, buy a house is better option. To begin with purchase a home is more reasonable because people should cover their shelter need , first. Your home is the sole place, where do you relax or feel comfortable. In your home you can do whatever you want. If you establish a business without having a house, you can not relax in your business, because there does not existance like a home. I mean you have not got house and your business is the only place you have. That’s why you feel like “I must go my business” because of this you can not relax, you feel stressed and under pressure. Secondly, home is more rational because your company can have file for bankruptcy. In these kind of situation, you lose your job, lose your home, lose your everything. You begin to live in the streets, you begin to be homeless. If you purchase a house, even though you lose your job, at least you have a home. I mean, If bad things happen, you can start from scratch. Moreover, a home is a refuge, you can hide in there, you can grow your every kind of your vegetable and fruit. That’s why buying a home is better than establish a business. In a nutshell, purchase either a house or a business is great investments for your future. But house is more reasonable because a house never lose it’s value except economic crisis. On the other hand, business can lose it’s value easily. All these things considered, buying a house is more reasonable because of shelter needing, last card to play.
DEĞERLENDİRME:
Money is a basic need but extra Money is a kind of controversial topic. (kind of /sort of / like gibi ifadeler günlük dilde yerli yersiz kullanlıdığı için ve kesin bir dil kullanman gerektiği için bu ifadeleri atarsan daha iyi olur.) With economic development , a lot of people save up their money more and more. But many people do not know how to spend their money. In first place they think of purchase ( of purchasing) a house or establish a new business. (In the first place ya da they firstly think of ) Buy ( Buying ) a home is reasonable for cover the shelter problem. A new business gains more Money. Both are reasonable, but i (I) think, Buy ( Buying ) a house is a/the better option. To begin with ,purchase (purchasing ) a home is more reasonable because people should cover their shelter need , first. (people should first cove olabilir ya da sondaki virgülü kullanma) Your home is the sole place, where do (relative clause Ya da noun clause düz cümle olur soru cümlesi gibi yapılandırma : where you relax or….. ) you relax or feel comfortable. In your home , you can do whatever you want. If you establish a business without having a house, you can not relax in your business, because there does not existance like a home. (bağlaç kalabalığına dikkat. daha basit düşün ya da cümlelerini ayır). I mean (In other words, / To put it differently, )you have not got house and your business is the only place you have. That’s why you feel like “I must go my business” because of this you can not relax, you feel stressed and under pressure. (bu paragrafın son 3-4 cümlesi gereksiz laf kalabalığı yani yeni bir şey söylemiyorsun. Örnek verebilirsin, kendi tecrübenden bahsedebelirsin, gözlemlediğin bir olayı anlatabilirsin) Secondly, home is more rational because your company can have file for bankruptcy. (your company can/may go bankrupt) In these kind of situations, you lose your job, lose your home, and lose your everything. You begin to live in the streets, you begin to be homeless. (bir virgülle 2 cümleyi bağlayamazsın. araya and koyarsan olur) If you purchase a house, even though you lose your job, at least you have a home. I mean, If bad things happen, you can start from scratch. Moreover, a home is a refuge, you can hide in there, you can grow your every kind of your vegetable and fruit. (bir virgülle 2 cümleyi bağlayamazsın.) That’s why buying a home is better than establishing a business. (uyuma dikkat et) In a nutshell, purchase (purchasing) either a house or a business is a great investment for your future. But house is more reasonable because a house never loses it’s (its) value except for an economic crisis. (bağlaç kalabalığına dikkat.) On the other hand, business can lose it’s value easily. All these things considered, buying a house is more reasonable because of shelter needing, (the need of shelter) last card to play.
KELİME SAYISI: 345