TOEFL Ders Notları_10

ESSAY 10

 SORU:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Boys and girls should attend separate schools. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

“Erkek ve kızlar ayrı okullara gitmelidirler” görüşüne katılıyor musunuz? Spesifik sebepler ve örnekler kullanarak cevabınızı açıklayınız.

Universities accept millions of male and female students every year. Number of male and female students controversial issue for a long time. Some authoritys agree with protect this balance but some authoritys don’t agree this. However there ara two main reason for accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
First of all universities are best place for discuss something. If we want to find a solution for problems we have to discuss in detail. İdeas is the most important part of discuss. The mind of male and female are not the same that is a proven. Therefore must be equal to the number of male and female so both of side give an opinion. This is shown by universities research. Each survey asked equal amount of number questions to male and female.
Another important point is behavior. Women and men lives together in the world. At the same time we works together. Universities teach us a job. While we teaching a job ıf we together we will learn how to behave with each other. All of this guideline will help in future. Also we can’t ignor If an equal number of male and female do not work.
Most of the universities try to keep male and female balance. Students who wants to go university take serious this balance. I think universities accept equal numbers of male and famele students in every subject. They will easiliy develop thanks to this balance.
DEĞERLENDİRME:
Universities accept millions of male and female students every year. Number of male and female students controversial issue for a long time. Some authoritys agree with protect this balance butsome authoritys don’t agree this. However there ara two main reason for accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
First of all universities are best place for discuss something. If we want to find a solution for problems we have to discuss in detail. İdeas is the most important part of discuss. The mind of male and female are not the same that is a proven.Therefore must be equal to the number of male and female so both of side give an opinion. This is shown by universities research. Each survey asked equal amount of number questions to male and female.
Another important point is behavior. Women and men lives together in the world. At the same time we works together. Universities teach us a job.While we teaching a job ıf we together we will learn how to behave with each other. All of this guideline will help in future. Also we can’tignor If an equal number of male and female do not work.
Most of the universities try to keep male and female balance. Students who wants to go university take serious this balance. I think universities accept equal numbers of male and famele students in every subject. They will easiliy develop thanks to this balance.
KELİME SAYISI: 244
GENEL DEĞERLENDİRME:
Kelime sayısı 244. Soruyu tam olarak cevapladığını gösteren kriterlerin başında kelime sayısı (300-350) gelmektedir. Essayinde çok sayıda basit hata var. Gereksiz cümle tekrarları var. Kelime seçimlerin ve gramer hataların anlamayı zorlaştırıyor. Fikirlerin savunulmadığı için havada kalmış ve aynı fikirler tekrar edilmiş.
Fikrini desteklemek için yapılan bir araştırmadan bahsetmek zorunda değilsin. Araştırmadan bahsetmiş olman fikrini desteklediğin anlamına da gelmez. Örnek verdiğin araştırmanın konuyla bağlantısını veya bu araltırmadan ne sonuç çıkarmamız gerektiğini de söylemelisin.
Sonuç paragrafı olduğunu belirten bir yapı (In conclusion, … gibi) kullanman gerekir.
YAPILAN HATALAR: (ALTI ÇİZİLMİŞ HATALARIN DÜZELTMELERİ SIRASIYLA VERİLMİŞTİR)

• The number of male and female students has been a controversial issue for a long time.
• Some authorities
• with protecting / with the protection of
• , but
• some authorities
• do not (don’t gibi kısaltmaları kullanma)
• with this idea
• However,
• are (bunun gibi basit hatalar son kontrol yapılırsa kolaylıkla düzeltirlir)
• reasons
• to accept
• First of all,
• the best
• to discuss
• problems, we
• Ideas are
• of a discussion
• That the mind of a male and a female are not the same is a proven fact. Ya da
• It is proven that the mind of a male and a female are not the same.
• Therefore, (burada özne olması lazım) must be … (Cümleyi baştan kurman gerekir mesela Therefore, the number of male and female students must be equal, so both of side give an opinion.)
• studies conducted by universities / research carried out by universities.
• Women and men live
• we work
• Universities teach us a job. (Bütün üniversiteler tek bir iş mi öğretiyor? Belki job skills veya how to do a job olabilir)
• While we teaching a job ıf we together we will learn how to behave with each other. (Bu cümlede birden fazla hata var: Birinci hatan bir cümlede birden fazla bağlaç kullanmaya çalışma. İkincisi virgülleri unutman. Üçüncüsü “teaching” fiil değil (While we are teaching veya while teaching olabilir). Dördüncüsü if den sonra fiil yok (if we are together olabilir). Beşincisi ise cümlenin anlam ifade etmemesi (Türkçe haliyle eminim anlam ifade ediyordur ancak tercüme ederek yazıyorsan fikirlerini basit tut)
• the future
• Moreover, (Also yu cümle başında kullanmamaya çalış. Fiilden önce veya iki fiil arasında kullanabilirsin; we also cannot ignore)
• cannot
• ignore
• Also we can’t ignor If an equal number of male and female do not work. (Bu cümlenin de baştan kurulması gerekiyor. Basit düşün, basit yaz)
• balanced ya da in balance olabilir
• Students who want
• go to ya da attend fiilini kullanabilirsin
• take this balance seriously
• should accept (should ekleyerek kısa yoldan tez cümlesi yapabilirsiniz)
• easily