TOEFL Ders Notları-ESSAY 1

ESSAY 1

SORU:

The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer.

21.Yüzyıl başladı. Bu yeni yüzyıl ne gibi değişiklikler getirecek sizce? Spesifik sebepler ve örnekler kullanarak cevabınızı açıklayınız.

Written history shows us, humanity is developing much faster than anyone’s prediction. It also proves the next era will change too many things like as it was before. I think the next era will be the most fundamental transition period ever happened for humanity. I will try to explain some possible important changes in a few specific areas.
In the beginning, there will be conflicts that will alter the social order completely between countries and nations. Religious, ideological and economic conflicts will be the cause again. These conflicts will pursue with the greatest war in history, but it won’t be alike the other world wars. It will be short and deadly, because of the weapon technologies that we already have. Results of war will be more than severe. There will be no more big cities and crowded human populations. As a result people will learn to live together peacefully. The age of enlightenment will begin.
With the aim of rebuilding civilization, people will start to work together, not for themselves but humanity. There will be ground breaking technological and scientific discoveries. As we know, there are very important scientific researches already started such as LHC (Large Hadron Collider) by CERN Labs and WARP Drive engine that allows to travel much faster than speed of light. These experiments and researches will begin to give their results.
With the discovery of dark matter, doors of replication technology will be opened. We will be able to provide supplies of unlimited food and provision with that replication technology for everyone. Hunger and poverty will diminish. Money and borders will be a black mark in history.
Meanwhile, we will be able to travel at the Warp Speed. As a result we will reach distant planets, systems and maybe galaxies. Possibly we will encounter with other beings alike or different from us. Our civilization will spread through the galaxy. Colonization of other habitable planets will start.
 Finally, I suppose humanity will reach its golden age with the changes on areas such as social and technological towards the end of this era. There are many countless possibilities, maybe less than my imagination or even the things that we can’t imagine. Until then, we have to do the best we can. Future will arrive soon.

KELİME SAYISI: 377
DEĞERLENDİRME:
Written history shows us, (us that) humanity is developing much faster than anyone’s prediction. It also proves the next era will change too many things like as it was before (aklındaki Türkçe cümleyi tam olarak yazmaya çalışmışsın. Kısaca many things demen yeterli olabilirdi). I think the next era will be the most fundamental transition period ever happened (gereksiz) for humanity. I will try to explain some possible important changes in a few specific areas.
In the beginning, there will be conflicts that will alter the social order completely between countries and nations. Religious, ideological and economic conflicts will be the cause again. These conflicts will pursue with the greatest war in history, but it won’t be alike (like/anything like/similar to) the other world wars. It will be short and deadly, because of the weapon technologies that we already have. Results of war (a war/a possible war) will be more than severe. There will be no more big cities and crowded human populations. As a result, people will learn to live together peacefully. The age of enlightenment will begin.
With the aim of rebuilding civilization, people will start to work together, not for themselves but humanity. There will be ground breaking technological and scientific discoveries. As we know, there are very important scientific researches already started (that have already started) such as LHC (Large Hadron Collider) by CERN Labs and WARP Drive engine that allows to travel much faster than speed of light. These experiments and researches will begin to give their (gereksiz) results.
With the discovery of dark matter, doors of replication technology will be opened. We will be able to provide supplies of unlimited food and provision with that replication technology for everyone (daha basit ve anlaşılır yazılabilir). Hunger and poverty will diminish. Money and borders will be a black mark in history.
Meanwhile, we will be able to travel at the Warp Speed. As a result, we will reach distant planets, systems and maybe galaxies. Possibly we will encounter with other beings alike (similar to) or different from us. Our civilization will spread through the galaxy. Colonization of other habitable planets will start.
Finally, I suppose humanity will reach its golden age with the changes on areas such as social and technological (in social and technological areas) towards the end of this era. There are many countless (ya many ya da countless. Biri yeterli) possibilities, maybe less than my imagination or (bu tür cümleleri yazmasanız da olur. Cümlenin olmadığını hissederseniz yazmayın daha iyi olur) even the things that we can’t imagine. Until then, we have to do the best we can. Future will arrive soon.
GENEL DEĞERLENDİRME:
Sinav günü İngilizce söyleyebildiğin kadarına odaklanıp, aklındaki fikri Türkçe söylemek için İngilizceni zorlamazsan daha az hata yaparsın Ancak, sınav öncesi hazırlığında hatalarından ne kadar öğrenirsen sınava o kadar hazır olursun. Sadece basit düşün derim. İyi yazılmış bir essay. Sözlükle çalışılarak yazılmış bir essay gibi… Kelime sayısı da bunu gösteriyor. Sınavda 30 dakikada 300-350 kelimelik bir essay yazman gerekiyor unutma. Soru senden ne tür değişiklikler getireceğini listelemeni istiyor. Sonuç paragrafında belirttiğin ana başlıklardan (sosyal ve teknolojik) oluşan iki adet gelişme paragrafında fikirlerini toplayabilirdin ve daha düzenli olabilirdi. 4 puan alabilecek bir kompozisyon.