TOEFL Ders Notları 5

ESSAY 5

SORU : 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

“Liseler öğrencilerine istedikleri dersi okuma hakkı tanınmalıdır” görüşüne katılıyor musunuz? Spesifik sebepler ve örnekler kullanarak cevabınızı açıklayınız.

School is the first step of our work-life. We are learning basics of algebra, physics, history, literature and many more courses in high school. Although this knowledge is sometimes useful in our future. I think most of them are garbage. If students should be allowed to choose what they want to learn, this could be more efficient for both student and humanity. There are two main reasons why I believe in this.
On the top of that, learning more in the area of study you have chosen will make you understand the basics of this area much better than learning a bit of everything. The more time you spend with the subject, the more familiar you will be with it. For example, I studied in a technical high school. My area of study was computer programming along with the basic high school courses. Eventually, I learned lots of things about computer programming, hardware and the basics of the area of study that I wanted to learn. I have gained lots of knowledge and that knowledge was nearly equal to the knowledge of students which are studying in college level of the same area.
In addition to that, if student already knows about the basics of the subject. In university they will not need to learn from the beginning. They can advance in more sophisticated subjects and spend their time with more practice. This is the most common insufficiency in today’s universities and here is the solution. That will provide more efficient new graduate students rather than the ones which only knows basic and theoretical things.
In conclusion, I think choosing what you learn in High School is the most logical option to me. Instead of filling students’ brains with unnecessary data, teaching them the things that they will only need and use in the future will be good for all of us.
DEĞERLENDİRME:
School is the first step of our work-life. We are learning basics (learn the basics) of algebra, physics, history, literature and many more courses in high school. Although this knowledge is sometimes useful in our future, (although bağlacı iki cümleyi bağladığı için virgül kullanman gerekir) I think most of them are garbage (informal olmuş useless ya da are not diyebilirsin). If students should be (are/were) allowed to choose what they want to learn, this could be more efficient for both student and humanity. There are two main reasons why I believe in this.
On the top of that, (yanlış kalıp seçimi: Initially, … /Firstly, …) learning more in the area of study you have chosen will make you understand the basics of this area much better than learning a bit of everything. The more time you spend with the subject, the more familiar you will be with it. For example, I studied in a technical high school. My area of study was computer programming along with the basic high school courses. Eventually, I learned lots of things about computer programming, hardware and the basics of the area of study that I wanted to learn. I have gained lots of knowledge and that knowledge was nearly equal to the knowledge of students which are studying in college level of the same area.
In addition to that, if student (a student mı students mı? Daha sonraki cümlede they diyorsun dikkat et. Bu arada if bağlacı iki cümleyi bağlar. Cümle başında kullanıyorsan arkasından virgülle bağlanmış 2 cümle takip edecek: If svo, svo. Ortada kullanıldığında ise : svo if svo) already knows about the basics of the subject. In university they will not need to learn from the beginning. They can advance in more sophisticated subjects and spend their time with more practice. This is the most common insufficiency in today’s universities and here is the solution (nerede? Yazdın mı ki çözümü?- Çözüm vermek için “One solution is that …. kalıbını kullanabilirsin). That will provide more efficient new graduate students rather than the ones which only knows basic and theoretical things.
In conclusion, I think choosing what you learn in High School (high school ) is the most logical option to me (gereksiz gibi geldi zaten I believe diyorsun – Fikir ve seçim vermek için I believe yerine To me, … kalıbını da kullanabilirsin). Instead of filling students’ brains with unnecessary data, teaching them the things that they will only need and use in the future will be good for all of us.
KELİME SAYISI: 310
GENEL DEĞERLENDİRME:
Sonuç bölümün özellikle çok iyi : tezini kopyalamadan yeni bir öneri vermişssin. Bir kaç bağlaç ve kalıp hatan var. Mesela On top of that kalıbını yanlış kullanmışsın ki bu kalıp ekleme için kullanılır ama senin kullandığın yer ilk gelişme paragrafı. Bütün kırmızılar hata değil bazıları alternatif kullanımlar veya öneriler. Kelime sayısı olarak bir sorun yok. İyi düzenlenmiş ve şablon olarak hata yok. İkinci gelişme paragrafını daha iyi destekleyebilirdin.